Big Boys Don't Cry - or Who Really Wanted the Lot on the Hill

Last Saturday I was doing what every good husband does on a Saturday (when you no longer have a lawn service), I was mowing the lawn. Our house sits at the top of a slight hill. We have a view of our neighborhood below us and we're up high enough to see the woods behind us. I love where we live. I love the view, I love the neighborhood, and I love the house. Michael calls our yard "the lawn that never ends." When we first looked at houses in Nashville, we found lots that sat on a 1/2 acre. Our house sits on a 1/3 acre lot. I asked a real estate person in a model home what people do with 1/2 acre lots. She told me "They mow them." Well I didn't want to spend all my time mowing the lawn. So I settled for the smaller lot. As Michael has found out, the hill or slope sometimes gets the better of you. That means if you aren't careful, you fall. One week ago, on a Saturday morning I was mowing the lawn. The ground was a little wet where the grass is shaded by the forest. I knew when I mow down, I don't always make it to the bottom standing. This was the case. I slipped and landed on my left side. No big deal for this go round. In fact, when I first realized I shouldn't mow the lawn down the hill was when I slipped and bruised my tail bone. If you can imagine sitting on an airplane for 13 hours to Japan with a bruised tail bone, I can say it's no fun. Well, this go round was a little different. My tailbone survived, my left leg below the knee developed this strange bump on it. I found myself wondering if I got something into my leg that caused an alergic reaction. Maybe I found one of those ficticous lawn snakes and he bit me. Maybe a spider bit me before I crushed him with the weight of my body landing on him. Maybe I should hire a lawn service and save my leg. Of course all I wanted was some sympathy. Diane looked at my leg and asked "now what have you done?" She thought it might be a tree frog jumped off the tree and attacked my leg. Have you heard of crazy tree frogs in Tennessee? I thought that was stretching it a little. Of course it didn't hurt so I kept mowing until I was finished. This included blowing the lawn clippings off the sidewalk to the neighbors house. I'm sure his lawn service will clean them up when they come. One thing about my hill is I sweat profusely while mowing. I call it my cardiovascular workout. Have I lost weight? No, but I find myself totally out of breath so it must be good for me. My hill isn't for sissies to work on. Being good pioneer stock with roots to Tennessee, I have to be tough.

After showering and seeing the swelling wasn't going down we visited the local "Doc in a Box" office that was open on a Saturday afternoon. I asked Diane if she would love me with only one leg. She said she would. I was grateful for this. The nice thing about the particular clinic we went to was the lack of a crowd. I didn't want anyone to hear me scream out in agony when the doctor amputated my leg before the wild tree frog venom caused my leg to grow larger than the tree trunk on the slope. The doctor took one look at my leg and said very calmly, "You have one heck of a hematoma going on there." He also pointed out that the swelling on the left side of my leg would drop to the foot in the coming week. All he said was "Go home and ice it." I was hoping for a new anti-inflammatory that would immediately take the swelling away. No suck luck on this one. Well, we now have just what the doctor said. I have a bruised foot. The doctor did promise me that no one dies from these things. That is a good thing because Diane doesn't want to start mowing the lawn.

Of course Michael now tells me he can't mow the lawn when he comes home because of the dreaded attack of crazy tree frogs. I've assured him the tree frogs here are nothing to worry about.

Of course what did I do yesterday? I put poison on the lawn in hopes of eradicating the mole that has moved into my slope. If I catch him I'll warn him of the crazy tree frogs in the back yard.

My dad will be proud knowing I didn't cry when I slipped on the hill. I did use the "D" word though. When I see him I'll have to thank him for sharing his vocabulary and having it stick after all these years.

Remember to watch out for crazy tree frogs and slippery slopes when you come to Tennessee.